Can i not drive my cunt home
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
