Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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