Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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