It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
