I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
