You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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