and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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