I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish I only lived at night.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
