I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
