we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
