If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
