Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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