So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
