is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
