i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
