haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Small penises have feelings too.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
