Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
