Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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