I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
