if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
