Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
