Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize