R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
