i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
