come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
