my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize