He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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