so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
