bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
