so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
