9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
