Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
