I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
