They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
