So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
