Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
