And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
