have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
