hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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