my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize