we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
