Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
