he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
