sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
