went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
