theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
