she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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