Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
