I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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