I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
