And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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