Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize