Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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