Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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