i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
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