I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
