I'm really into asian looking animals
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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