Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
