She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize