Don't make out with my wife yet
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
