I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
