he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
