If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
