I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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