question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
