So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just gift wrapped bread.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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