I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
