we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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