Farmville is her only friend.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
