Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I looked at my own cervix.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
