non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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