he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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