I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize