Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
