Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
