he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
