Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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