addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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