That's intense
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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