why didn't you poke me back
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
